Mister Austins neighborhood
by Lacks Integrity
Summary: What if Stone cold hosted a popular PBS childrens program
1. Opening song

{Scene: The camera pans through a small fake city as Austin's theme music plays. We are suddenly inside of a house as we see Stone Cold Steve Austin enter through the front door wearing a blood from a stone T-shirt, a hunting cap, and blue jeans. He stops at the closet, and takes off the shirt, and the jeans, under which he is wearing his black trunks, he takes off the cap, and puts on his Austin 3:16 vest, he is singing as he ties his wrestling boots on and fixes his knee brace.}  
  
Austin: It's a beautiful day in the day in the neighborhood  
  
Crowd: What?  
  
A: A beautiful day in the neighborhood  
  
C: What?  
  
A: A beautiful day in the neighborhood  
  
C: What?  
  
A: I said it's a beautiful day Would you be mine  
  
C: What?  
  
A: Could you be mine  
  
C: What?  
  
A: Won't you be my neighbor  
  
C: What?  
  
{talking now instead of singing}  
  
A: My neighbor  
  
C: What?  
  
A: Live next door  
  
C: What?  
  
A: Borrow a cup of sugar  
  
C: What?  
  
A: Tell me to turn my music down, be my neighbor son, you deaf? Anyways, today were gonna talk about opening cans of whoopass, can you say whoopass.  
  
C: Whoopass  
  
A: I knew you sons of bitches could do it. Now to open a can of whoopass, ya need the look, ya got look deep into their beady little eyes and let them know they don't stand a chance. Show no fear, show no remorse for your actions son, and last but definitely not least, show no emotion whatsoever. And no matter what, no matter who you think has your back, always remember Mister Austins Motto: Don't trust anybody.  
  
TBC….. 


	2. Mail Time

{Suddenly there is a knock on the door, and Austin stands to answer the door}  
  
A: Who's there?  
  
????: It's Jim.  
  
A: What?  
  
J: Jim Ross  
  
A: What?  
  
JR: Your mailman.  
  
A: What?  
  
JR: I brought your mail.  
  
A: What?  
  
JR: Some letters  
  
A: What?  
  
JR: Some Bills  
  
A: What?  
  
JR: Some Ads.  
  
A: What?  
  
JR: That's all Sir.  
  
A:{opening the door} I'm Just messing with ya Jr, come on in, have a beer.  
  
JR: What?  
  
A: A Brewski.  
  
JR: What?  
  
A: A cold one.  
  
JR: What?  
  
A: Alcohol  
  
JR: What?  
  
A: A steveweiser  
  
JR: I'm Just messing with ya Steve, I don't really have the time, but here's some fanmail. {hands all the mail, keeping one letter for last} This one looks like a slobberknocker.  
  
{Steve takes the mail, and good ol' JR takes his leave.  
  
A: After this commercial break we'll read some fan mail.  
  
TBC….  
  
:: Hope this is pretty good, go ahead and offer some feedback I'd like it. Thanks:: 


	3. Mail and cooking with The Rock

{Scene: We make our way through the fake neighborhood once again as the show returns to the airwaves, after the commercial break. As we enter Mister Austin has taken a seat in his favorite chair and is opening one of his fan letters}  
  
A: Dear Mister Austin, do you really think you stand a chance of hell in winning the royal rumble? Signed Little Willie Regal. Well Willie, to answer your question, does stone cold stand a chance Hell yeah, Im gonna drink 1 beer.  
  
C: What?  
  
A: 2 beers  
  
C: What?  
  
A: 3 beers. Then I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in twenty-nine asses and walk em dry.  
  
C: What?  
  
A: I'm gonna walk em dry.  
  
C What?  
  
A: I said I'm gonna walk em dry, anyways next letter. Dear Mister Austin. How do you feel about Triple H returning? Signed Paul Levesque. I could give a rat's ass about Hunters return.  
  
C: What?  
  
A: I said I could give rat's ass. He's a two bit excuse for a wrestler, and I carried his pathetic ass for months.  
  
C: What?  
  
A: I said he sucks.  
  
C: What?  
  
A: He ain't that damn good.  
  
C: What?  
  
A: He is completely pathetic, son. Well that's all for this weeks fan mail, now for this weeks in the kitchen segment. Today we'll be joining the rock, at the smackdown hotel's Hard Rock Café.  
  
{The scene changes to show Mister Austin standing by the rock in a huge kitchen.}  
  
Rock: Finally The Rock has come back to Mister Austin's neighborhood. The Rock says, thanks for joining us here Steve, today The Rock's going to teach you how to make a Double Rock burger with cheese. First you take a pound of hamburger, pat out a nice large hamburger patty, fry it up, open a hamburger bun, cover it catsup, mustard, mayonaise, and anything else you want. Pickles, onion, mushrooms, bacon, and cheese, put the burger on the bun, Turn that Sumbitch sideways, and shove it directly up your candyass.  
  
A: Can you say Candyass.  
  
C: Candyass!  
  
R: The Rock knew you could. If you smellllllllllllllllllllllllllll what The Rock is cookin'.  
  
A: What?  
  
R: What I'm cookin'.  
  
A: what?  
  
R: Bakin'.  
  
A: What?  
  
R: Frying up.  
  
A: What? Well anyways thanks Rock, we appreciate you taking the time.  
  
R: It was The Rocks pleasure Mister Austin.  
  
{It goes to commercial}  
  
TBC…… 


End file.
